Gold dust

The other day my mum showed me a picture of my dad when he was a kiddo.

And damn, my uncles were handsome men.

I'm refering to the two gentlemen on the left.

Back in office

Oh oh hello

The last two weeks have been crazy. Had the best few days of the year so far over there. But I'm not going to write too much because I need to get ready for work in a moment.

I went to the UK over the last two weeks for a holiday. It was full of the usual: banter, beer, hanging in the park, prosecco, good food (yes, good food in the UK), good weather (yes, sunshine) and as a consequence, I lost a digit in my bank account.

I also went to Madrid to visit my bro who's currently on holiday in Europe. And although we decided that Madrid was extremely boring, I still had a great time spending time with him and his wife. No parents, no talk about the parents impending divorce, no domestic issues. Just us three, wine and olives. I hadn't quite had a talk in ages so it was good to get things off my chest and also find out more about his life. I talk like we're complete strangers, and to some degree we are. I rarely see him, or talk to him. The last time I saw him was for my cousin's wedding in three years ago, and he didn't visit for very long so we didn't have much time to talk.

But this was different. And we both knew it was.

A few weeks ago I was with S thinking about coming out to my brother. I was quite determined to do it. But when I saw him face to face, he was such a stranger to me, I couldn't do it. It didn't feel right - and besides, his wife was there which would have added to the awkwardness. Strangers maybe,  the weird thing is, we get each other. I don't know why / what it is.

I don't think he'd react adversely. He's seen enough shit in other people's life to know that being gay isn't the worst thing that could have happened to me (or rather, isn't such a bad thing).

Both of them did try to probe into my life. They both asked me about my non-existent gf's and hot friends that I'm not banging. And like I said to my mother, I gave an answer that I was most comfortable with - I lied to them about it.

I need a beard. (not a hairy beard)

Right so during lunch, I was discussing with my mother about my brother's relationship with his wife.  She's apparently quite worried for them because she caught my brother sleeping on the floor once.

So then, she turns 180deg around and asks me if I have a girlfriend.

I shat in my pants.

In the past, when I was asked, I would tell her that wasn't 100% settled anywhere so I hadn't actively look for a girl friend (which I think is a 100% legit excuse).

At some point in my life (recently), I decided to admit the truth to anyone who'd ask if I were gay. and I've kept to it. But I thought again- I couldn't do that to my parents. Sometimes, the truth hurts for a life time. And this is a truth that would do exactly just that.

I said no, which was clearly not the answer she was expecting.  My brother brought girlfriends when he was 22 and spoke of marriage at 25, so same age as me right now, I apparently bear no fruits to match their expectations.

You see my parents are very proud of what they've achieved in life. They raised by really humble parents and grew up to live a modest life, better than all their brothers and sisters. They're really proud of the fact that thy have two intelligent sons, graduated from top tier unis, and have respectable jobs. They rub it in their friends faces. Because they can. And like father like son, like mother like daughter, I'd do the same too. Which is why I know this truth is worth sacrifice.

I proceed with my dumpling, and she proceeds with her mouth. She asks if I have anyone in mind, or if I had a girlfriend before.

Again, Chinese parents like to speculate. My mother always talks of my brother and tells me what she thinks he's up to. So I'm rather sure my mum was thinking I had a girlfriend while I was in London, which was why I was so reluctant to come back to hong kong. Or even worse, she probably thought I had a boyfriend... But let's not go there because I'm scared of that truth too.

With assurance, I tell my mum: "mum, I don't plan to get married and have kids until I'm 35. There's just too much to do out there and I don't want to settle down until I'm sure of where I want to live." She concurs and leaves the subject to rest.

This is exactly why I need a beard very soon.




Seriously, I can't get enough of this: