Quicky

My best friends came over to my place yesterday night for a few drinks and guitar jamming session. It was fucking ace, one of the best moments of this year I gotta say. No crazy sex story though.

 So there's this new guy in the office, who sits diagonal to me. He's a blonde hunk - late 30s - looks like a cross between bruce willis and daniel craig. Yes, smoking hot.  I've managed to position my monitors + laptop such that I can discreetly stare at him and get no work done. And he's really cute - the way he curses his emails at work, his little discussions with fellow chinese colleagues etc. etc.

The other day I came across his facebook page, and I looked at a few of his photos. And my suspicions are growing. One of his pictures was him wearing a pair of black wings and horns. Pretty gay. Then another one was of him in a club with lots of men. Pretty gay. And then there was a shirtless picture of him in the pool. I jizzed in my pants. And I don't think he has a wife or a girlfriend. Pretty gay.

Me being bored at work, started imagining what a relationship with him would be like. I imagined him  on returning back home, him ripping his shirt off, rock hard beneath his suit trousers, and pinning me on the wall. I'd ask him if he wanted me to reheat dinner or not while he was sucking me off, and he'd slap me and tell me to shut the fuck up. He'd turn me around take his trousers off and reaveal a glistening cock, sliding it against my ass, hands over my mouth while I try to resist. He'd feel me up all over, pull my hair really roughly and throw me around the room - but I am powerless compared to him.  So I

Anyway, I don't want to reveal to you any more of my deepest, most secret fantasies so I'll stop there.

After sex he'd cuddle me, eat my food, complain about work, have a whisky and fall asleep together.

That's it.

I've never had a girl friend and I've never kissed a girl.

So I'm at my parents place tonight having dinner. It's nice to do that once in a while, especially when you have to wake up at 5am to go to work in the mornings (and it also gives me a bit of time to blog). Anyway, during dinner, I told my mother that I wanted to move closer to work (as opposed to living 1hr away from work). She snapped and said "No, it's too far from your home, now eat your dinner". Oh Chinese parents... 

Now, I might be a homosexual, but there have been many times, when I've been tempted (and curious) to go out with a chick. And today, I figured it out - it comes down to three main reasons:

1.  I don't want to have to lie about non-existent girl friends when my family & friends (that I will not come out to anytime soon) ask.

2. I actually think it'd be fun to go out with a chick, minus the (mandatory?) sex.

3. She'd be really hot and popular so I'd be able to use her as a social vehicle and expand my friendship circle.

Yes, I want a girlfriend, minus the sex. And you know I'd be the perfect boyfriend, minus the homosexuality. I'm smart, cute, athletic, popular, good cook, great kisser, and most of all, an amazing spoon in bed. Awesome in general (except for the "I'm very much in love with cock and ass" part).

But the problem is, I would never be able to bring myself do this, knowing that eventually I'd have to break up and disappoint someone that I loved and a friendship. In fact, I'm scared shitless about breaking up a friendship and I would never lead someone on just so that I could break up a relationship, and that's why I haven't been out with a chick yet. I'd end up feeling like a massive (guilt-ridden) douche.

The reason I've been thinking about this so much, ironically, despite all the above, is because there's this girl at work who works in a different team to me, who's blatantly into me- and I really enjoy her company. We flirt over im (at work) all the time, and we have almost everything in common to discuss about. She's smart, very respectable, cute, popular and drama-free. 

And the problem is, I feel as long as I haven't declared my love (or lust) to her, our friendship will eventually fade away when she finds a more awesome kid to be with. And as selfish as this sounds, although I want her to be happy, I don't want it to happen .

Simply put it, I don't know what I want. At times, I feel like I'm subconsciously trying to conform to societal norms, but is my urge to date a chick a result of this? Or is it a genuine feeling? I can't figure it out. I'm hoping someone feels the same out there.

But the party don't stop...

So I’ll write a bit about last night (which was amazing) while I wait for my Jersey Shore episode to download (there’s a reason for this, I don’t watch trash TV spontaneously).

I was quite hung over yesterday. I got up for an afternoon run on HK trail 1 and 2. It was pretty fucking fun. Up and down, burning thighs, winding paths, waterfalls, attention, eye candy… haha…any day mate, any day…

Anyway, fast forward, past my buffet dinner with my colleagues (I literally shoved my face in food and beer), we’re at Azure, roof top bar (something like 20 of us) and N swings by with C and G. At this point I had like 100 different people / bars that I wanted to be at, but my phone was out of battery, I’m in shorts, and I’m carrying a camel pack. Really disappointing. But it’s fine, because N was next to me, so he became my phone. He really wanted to get it on with the “Developer Girls” but they fucked off somewhere, and were really boring and incapable of stringing a few words together to make conversation. One did buy me a shot, so she’s cool.

The police raid Azure, I try to stir shit up with N, shouting obscenities like a tool but I get a lemon thrown at me, so we go to Shake Shake. Me, thinking of Kid K, decided to text him where he is, and was in stormies! So I drag the crew out, and go to stormies. C is stoked about seeing Regina – apparently, a clone of this girl in Jersey Shore (which is why I’m downloading it, to see what the commotion is about).

At this point in my life, two weird things happen. 

1. I try to get 4 Jello shots, cool. Then this cute guy, taller than me, comes and grab me on the shoulder and asks me if I wanted to do “the challenege”. I said, I didn’t know what it was. So he proceeds to the bartender to ask for shots and at this point, I didn’t quite realize what he was doing, so with my primal instincts, I shout NO! and he fucks off. I think he groped my ass before he left. IDK. I was drunk out of my mind.

2. C and G asks Tabby if Kid K is gay. Not to big myself up, or anyone, she’s not exactly the most attractive girl an she defo has the hots for Kid K and me. Possibly Lad too.  Anyway, she walked away without answering. C and G are now convinced Kid K is gay and that I have a chance. But they think I can do “better” so what? I don’t understand.  I look at him at this point, and I think to myself: I just want to stroke your beautiful hair. I need to get laid.

What do you do? How do you ask a “straight” guy out without making it awkward?

We go off to Cul-de-Sac and have some Poutine. N and I are going to become fat chicks if we keep this up every Saturday. But fucking delicious.

S and Crisp and Y arrive shortly afterwards, and then head off to the beach. N takes C and G back home, and I’m left with S. and it’s only 4:00AM, but we head back home, satisfied with the night.

(oh and before I get on the taxi, I see the guy who groped my ass at the bar again. I shake his hand and leave while cuddling S)