Summer gone mad

Hey dudes

Sorry for lack of updates, been a busy kid running around hong kong like a mad cow recently. And now that I'm back to normal hours, I have hardly anytime to do anything that I want/need to do like
a. play beach vball
b. go to gym
c. go trail running
d. go to work
e. get trashed
f. junk trips out to sea
(g. seeing a boy?)
(h. hoping this fucking typhoon doesn't spoil my weekend plans)

but I will update soon, maybe on Sunday when I go back to my mummy's for dinner.

till then...

Gold dust

The other day my mum showed me a picture of my dad when he was a kiddo.

And damn, my uncles were handsome men.

I'm refering to the two gentlemen on the left.

Disappointment

So I have this good school friend, Flint, that got married 9 months ago. He was 24, she was 28. He was basically forced into this marriage because she didn’t have the means to be in the same country as him – details, I’ll leave aside. As result, a whole gang of us was trying to persuade him not to get married. He was young, studying, barely earning enough to get by life, and clueless about love. We didn’t understand at all. He’s an “ivy-league smart” guy.

They got married anyway, in a basement of a church somewhere in London and had a woman of 60 years old, who knew them for a year or so, make an honorary speech for them. Now it would have been OK if the speech was amusing and revealing. But it wasn’t. It was about a traffic jam.

I am in no way, envious about their relationship.

So the wine was spilt last weekend when I was out with Sara:

1. Flint, was a troubled little homosexual who got married – Ok, fine.
2. It also turns out that he is actively sleeping with other men – What?
3. It also turns out that he doesn’t use protection because he doesn’t feel other men will pursue him – Bullshit. 

And since then, I’ve been very disappointed in him. This is exactly the shit that gays don’t need – and to find out one of my good friends is sleeping around like a tramp like that, it sets me on fire. I don’t get it. I can never look at him in the same way now.

I have one fucked up friend.

Never again...

Sometimes I wish I had my blackberry. It would make typing this all that much easier on the bus when I have 1 hour to burn (each way to work).

Guys. I get it. I can understand why anonymous blogging is so fun. Anyway. I got shit loads on my mind this week so long post or two this week.

I got in the car yesterday, and the first thing my mum says to me is
"you have a car fine". I reply:
"what?! I know I went into a bus restricted zone but it was really confusing! ... Where was it?! How come it got to you so quickly?!"
"<street around where I live>" (not where I was thinking of)
"what are you kidding?  That means I got a speeding ticket? I might have been 30% over limit but people were being stupid and I didn't mean to run over the bird. It was dead already."
Mother replies: "what? You're confusing me. It's a parking ticket"
And I think: "oh that's a fucking relief.  That means I still have a clean license"

And fml I was literally five mins out of two hours late picking my car up and got a parking ticket. I would have been able to avoid it if I hadn't spent time dicking about on my computer.

If you haven't figured out already, I go out pretty much every Friday night, get drunk, trash talk, meet a load of people i'll never see again, blow a shit load of money and end the night with a "dnm" with N when the sun rises on Sunday and suffer from a major hangover the following afternoon. And it's been like this for the last year. This has got to stop soon- or so I tell myself, futilely.

Last Sunday morning I had this 10K race to go to. This race with  around 700 testosterone filled men, and me - hung over, incapable of walking straight, reeking of alcohol. 700 men gathered at the start point, the size of a basketball court, sweltering in 35C & 90% humidity, brewing some seriously vicious smells, K and I, smack bang in the middle of it.

I came out of this race, battered, demoralised and disappointed with my results. So I binge eat and blow cash on 1200-thread-count bed sheets.

And so I've decided never again.... will I sign up for a summer race.

Oh and I'm going to rename my friends and give a synopsis on each of them in the future.
S - Sara
N - Nate
G - Jane
C - Carol
K - Connor

And I will write about Saturday night in the next few days - and then possibly my thoughts on being gay as a result.

I've never had a girl friend and I've never kissed a girl.

So I'm at my parents place tonight having dinner. It's nice to do that once in a while, especially when you have to wake up at 5am to go to work in the mornings (and it also gives me a bit of time to blog). Anyway, during dinner, I told my mother that I wanted to move closer to work (as opposed to living 1hr away from work). She snapped and said "No, it's too far from your home, now eat your dinner". Oh Chinese parents... 

Now, I might be a homosexual, but there have been many times, when I've been tempted (and curious) to go out with a chick. And today, I figured it out - it comes down to three main reasons:

1.  I don't want to have to lie about non-existent girl friends when my family & friends (that I will not come out to anytime soon) ask.

2. I actually think it'd be fun to go out with a chick, minus the (mandatory?) sex.

3. She'd be really hot and popular so I'd be able to use her as a social vehicle and expand my friendship circle.

Yes, I want a girlfriend, minus the sex. And you know I'd be the perfect boyfriend, minus the homosexuality. I'm smart, cute, athletic, popular, good cook, great kisser, and most of all, an amazing spoon in bed. Awesome in general (except for the "I'm very much in love with cock and ass" part).

But the problem is, I would never be able to bring myself do this, knowing that eventually I'd have to break up and disappoint someone that I loved and a friendship. In fact, I'm scared shitless about breaking up a friendship and I would never lead someone on just so that I could break up a relationship, and that's why I haven't been out with a chick yet. I'd end up feeling like a massive (guilt-ridden) douche.

The reason I've been thinking about this so much, ironically, despite all the above, is because there's this girl at work who works in a different team to me, who's blatantly into me- and I really enjoy her company. We flirt over im (at work) all the time, and we have almost everything in common to discuss about. She's smart, very respectable, cute, popular and drama-free. 

And the problem is, I feel as long as I haven't declared my love (or lust) to her, our friendship will eventually fade away when she finds a more awesome kid to be with. And as selfish as this sounds, although I want her to be happy, I don't want it to happen .

Simply put it, I don't know what I want. At times, I feel like I'm subconsciously trying to conform to societal norms, but is my urge to date a chick a result of this? Or is it a genuine feeling? I can't figure it out. I'm hoping someone feels the same out there.

Back in office

Oh oh hello

The last two weeks have been crazy. Had the best few days of the year so far over there. But I'm not going to write too much because I need to get ready for work in a moment.

I went to the UK over the last two weeks for a holiday. It was full of the usual: banter, beer, hanging in the park, prosecco, good food (yes, good food in the UK), good weather (yes, sunshine) and as a consequence, I lost a digit in my bank account.

I also went to Madrid to visit my bro who's currently on holiday in Europe. And although we decided that Madrid was extremely boring, I still had a great time spending time with him and his wife. No parents, no talk about the parents impending divorce, no domestic issues. Just us three, wine and olives. I hadn't quite had a talk in ages so it was good to get things off my chest and also find out more about his life. I talk like we're complete strangers, and to some degree we are. I rarely see him, or talk to him. The last time I saw him was for my cousin's wedding in three years ago, and he didn't visit for very long so we didn't have much time to talk.

But this was different. And we both knew it was.

A few weeks ago I was with S thinking about coming out to my brother. I was quite determined to do it. But when I saw him face to face, he was such a stranger to me, I couldn't do it. It didn't feel right - and besides, his wife was there which would have added to the awkwardness. Strangers maybe,  the weird thing is, we get each other. I don't know why / what it is.

I don't think he'd react adversely. He's seen enough shit in other people's life to know that being gay isn't the worst thing that could have happened to me (or rather, isn't such a bad thing).

Both of them did try to probe into my life. They both asked me about my non-existent gf's and hot friends that I'm not banging. And like I said to my mother, I gave an answer that I was most comfortable with - I lied to them about it.