I’ve been MIA for good reason.

So I can’t remember when I last updated, but that’s not worth remembering. What is worth talking about here is my life. Presumably that’s what we’re here for. So things that have been going on in my life:

1.     So there had been this guy that I had been talking to for a while on whatsapp. He sounded quite sane, pretty cool, chill guy, not really responsive to me asking him out for drinks. I got fed up after the third time and decided to cut my losses, and give up asking him out. And you know that saying “what you want, is what you can’t get”? It’s so true.

So I ended up meeting this guy on Saturday night – I bailed on my mates to see this guy something anyone will see me rarely do. Long story short, we had a couple of drinks, and then he made out with me on the streets. Like, something I’m not really comfortable doing on the streets. Anyway, so he takes me to his place, around the corner and we make out some more. He takes me to his bed, and I whisper to him, “I like being forced to do shit”. And he strips down to his pants and literally, forces my head in his crotch. It was so fucking hot. Really good kisser too. But me being a tease, I tell him that he wouldn’t be getting into my pants because I need to continue my night (or I would have passed out after hanky panky).

So this guy, who I will call Krunky is quite a cute guy. He’s 4 years older than me, taller than me and works in I.T. Perfect for me. And he’s also English, studied Engineering, and really into his drinking. Actually, that sounds exactly like me.  But I have reservations about taking this into a relationship, simply because I’m not sure how well my friends will take him. But time will tell. He wants me to go to his place on Thursday night to hang – But I gotta think about it, decide where I want this to lead to and not feel like a little slut.

2.     So on the same Saturday, one of my mates friend organized a boat party. And I got to meet some pretty legit dudes and chicks. I think I might start hanging out with this gang to see what kind of friendships I can develop out of this. But back to the boat party – damn fun. Luckily it was a sunny day (after the typhoon) and the water wasn’t too cold – in fact, refreshing like a cold shower. Got my back plenty burnt and tanned. Got another boat trip next week, so well looking forward to that.

3.     (I just realized how eventful Saturday was) – After my makeout session with krunky I go to see my mates in Wanchai. And what happens there? Well, I forgotten half of the night, but I remember dancing on the bar shirtless, for a free pint. Then the bar maid inappropriately gave me another free pint for being such a sport I was.

And I forgot the rest of the night, except the fact that I had this friend badgering me to find out where I went for 3 hours. And I couldn’t take it and came out to him. I didn’t feel really comfortable with it, I mean, he did say some obnoxious shit about gays one time when I was around him and Connor. But the whole time after that he was like “It’s cool man, I don’t give a fuck – don’t worry about it.” So I guess that’s one more person on my list. I wonder if he could remember it though, we were all pretty fucking smashed.

All in all, great weekend. That’s it folks.  

And I know I'm supposed to have out grown Hollister Co., but I've recently been really digging their playlists.  Check it out guys...

Playlist HCO

I've never had a girl friend and I've never kissed a girl.

So I'm at my parents place tonight having dinner. It's nice to do that once in a while, especially when you have to wake up at 5am to go to work in the mornings (and it also gives me a bit of time to blog). Anyway, during dinner, I told my mother that I wanted to move closer to work (as opposed to living 1hr away from work). She snapped and said "No, it's too far from your home, now eat your dinner". Oh Chinese parents... 

Now, I might be a homosexual, but there have been many times, when I've been tempted (and curious) to go out with a chick. And today, I figured it out - it comes down to three main reasons:

1.  I don't want to have to lie about non-existent girl friends when my family & friends (that I will not come out to anytime soon) ask.

2. I actually think it'd be fun to go out with a chick, minus the (mandatory?) sex.

3. She'd be really hot and popular so I'd be able to use her as a social vehicle and expand my friendship circle.

Yes, I want a girlfriend, minus the sex. And you know I'd be the perfect boyfriend, minus the homosexuality. I'm smart, cute, athletic, popular, good cook, great kisser, and most of all, an amazing spoon in bed. Awesome in general (except for the "I'm very much in love with cock and ass" part).

But the problem is, I would never be able to bring myself do this, knowing that eventually I'd have to break up and disappoint someone that I loved and a friendship. In fact, I'm scared shitless about breaking up a friendship and I would never lead someone on just so that I could break up a relationship, and that's why I haven't been out with a chick yet. I'd end up feeling like a massive (guilt-ridden) douche.

The reason I've been thinking about this so much, ironically, despite all the above, is because there's this girl at work who works in a different team to me, who's blatantly into me- and I really enjoy her company. We flirt over im (at work) all the time, and we have almost everything in common to discuss about. She's smart, very respectable, cute, popular and drama-free. 

And the problem is, I feel as long as I haven't declared my love (or lust) to her, our friendship will eventually fade away when she finds a more awesome kid to be with. And as selfish as this sounds, although I want her to be happy, I don't want it to happen .

Simply put it, I don't know what I want. At times, I feel like I'm subconsciously trying to conform to societal norms, but is my urge to date a chick a result of this? Or is it a genuine feeling? I can't figure it out. I'm hoping someone feels the same out there.

Not interested

A week ago…

I was the type of genuine guy that would go on dates with anyone. I was the type to do so because I never realized what a relationship was all about. I’ve been out on dates with really boring guys, camp guys, not really fit guys etc.. You get my drift. Basically, my bar was fucking low.

So last week, I was on craigslist looking for some action, and I decided to message this guy. No pictures, only a few words. I don’t know why I did it – was probably my penis making me do it. So I meet up with this guy – bucking chap with a city job, intelligent and apparently “straight”. I didn’t buy that. Anyway, he was skinny, sort of like my ex, but taller and blonder. I wasn’t physically attracted to him at all. But he had a really nice personality and we got along pretty well talking about random shit and work. Apparently I was the first guy he kissed, despite him having sucked cock before. I don’t believe it. Anyway, time flew. We had a chat for ages, we might have made out, and then I decided that I needed to jet and see my friends for someone’s birthday.

So a few days later, he texts me. I don’t quote, because my phone is not next to me, but it goes something like this “I really like you, you’re smart, decent, funny and a nice guy. It’s not ever that I dish out compliments like that”. When I read it, I was in the living room with my roommate, and I didn’t know what to make of it. On one hand, I wanted a cuddle buddy. On the other, I felt it would have just ended up like my previous relationship. No, this time, I’m not going fall for anyone until my heart is convinced. I don’t reply.

He texts me the same night saying “You’re not interested?” So I’m not, but I reply with a “LOL, let’s take it easy.”

Was I being too kind? He calls me the next day asking if I wanted to go for dinner. Yeah I did. I wanted to get to know this guy a bit more – he’s a nice guy, and probably a really good friend. But I felt he wanted a relationship, which I was not prepared for. So I stupidly said yes, Friday.

Today…

Come Thursday, he asks if we could have dinner tonight rather than Friday. I’m not the one to say no because I have no plans – and I told him when I saw him (and I secretly wanted the dinner over and done with). I wanted to use the dinner to gauge how much he was into me, to decide how I was going to go about this friendship. That was probably just an excuse though. Secretly my dick was telling me to go too. I’ve been dry for a few months now.

BUT, I decide last minute to blow him off. I’ve never done anything like this to anyone before, not even my friends. I guess I just wasn’t bothered. I have this gut feeling that if I talk to him being a nice guy, he’ll fall for me and I’ll have drama to deal with. I guess I know what I want now. And I'm not interested.